Saturday, October 31, 2009
Saturday, October 17, 2009
I found an MD , 4 days ago and she found a mass....just great ! *sigh*
But I am not surprised.......16 months menopaused ( very- very early ) ,...and now blood loss...fatigue...depression...horrible back pain..and pelvic pains.
Something was wrong.......we gals know it...right ?
Last month.......fever for 2- 3 days.......without any other symptoms .......( though it was a flu )....I was sure
a truck had run over me overnight.
I kept this to myself.....for over a week........but asked some online friends about these symptoms.
First about the abnormal blood loss..than another freind....... for maybe a small depression...I did not
put the 2 together I think.
I think that maybe the small depression is 100% part of this.......I cried when my son called me tonight....for no reason.......WTF ?
This is NOT me.....I feel like someone else is inside me......I feel like crap and I want her out....fast !
I do admit I am a wee bit stressed out.....but at the same time I want & need to know.
I can deal with what ever it is..as long as I know what it is.
Maybe this came or was scheduled at a time that I can not paint.......the future is always written for us in a way..and it is time to take care of myself.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Time to take a break.
I need funds to re-stock up on painting supplies.
Time to get a job...full time ( Dr. says no...but I have no choice ) or part time ( would be better )
Anyways.I have to fix some sort of heating in my studio.....yesterday it was about 10 c ......a bit cold to sit and paint for 8 hours.
Although I have tons of ideas in my mind..I can not paint them due to lack of paints....etc.
I will sketch them out.....to keep a reference for the future.
Anyways..I draw and doddle everyday.....it is part of me...like breathing.
I am happy though....that I could spend the last ( almost ) 5 months painting full time......and I did keep an eye opened for a part-time job.
This was a warm happy part of my year.
I remember the sunny mornings..that I set up my easel outside...mixed with all the city sounds as a background...my flowers.....neighbors waving to me. :)
Theses moments will be in my head...dreaming.........till I can do this again.
I still have about 33 paintings ready to be sold...so...I am going to concentrate on the selling part at this time.
I hope in the very near future to post some new art....
See you soon !
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Ok..I picked myself up reasonably....I guess we all have our ''down '' times.
Painting helps me to focus on what I can do...and not What I could of ''done '' in the past.
I am offering 3 small sized painting...( this was hard for me to down size ).....so it kept me concentrated on the paintings.and not myself pity :).
all are under 200. 00 $
They are all........12 x 16 inches
You can contact me if you are interested in one of the paintings.
One of them has a floating frame included....free :)
Have a good Thanksgiving weekend !
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
People just love to ignore warnings, don’t they ?
I was being depressed about my choice and disappointed with myself because I have thought about what I would love to do….. but never had the courage because of moolah.
Vitamin ‘’ Moolah ‘’ is important because here, I can’t eat without paying. I can’t claim from any charity because I’m earnings something.
Anyways..I am too independent for this.
Money makes the world go round, they say.
I am starting to wish MY world would turn a bit.
I could honestly write a book about my past...rape…..domestic violence….death of a child…being robed…scamed…ect…
It is my life…and maybe in a way it has made me stronger than most people….but also more sensitive…..and closed-in.
Now that I have had courage to face my choice….5 months latter ….after leaving a paying day job….. I spent the better part of the week . Asking myself if I did the right move.
I am not asking for big moolah…. here…..only ‘’ one ‘’ G a month.
Just enough to survive..feed my cats…eat….and have less stress.
After almost 5 months…I have painted a total of 30 paintings.
That’s a total of 1. 1/2 paintings a week..and I am not talking about 12 x 12 inches….they are mostly all large…unless commissioned.
I know…I know…..I should do smaller ones.
.But almost all the time I sit down and when I want to start one..I feel like I am compressing my view..my brain…my inspiration.
Hard to explain.
So as most of all Artists…I have to find a part time job.
At My age….and with all the heath issues I have….it will be probably minimum salary.
I am going to face my choice…half-time..for now.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
I had some free time this week.so I doodled a couple of subjects.
I tried to keep the details simple.....
The first one ( that did not turn out good ) was a rabbit ( white ) in snow.
And 3 bird drawings.
The one above is the one I choose. :)
All I have to do now is find a printer. :)
I found one on line, called vista print. They are offering the first 25 free.
I am not sure of the quality...but it's worth a try .