Hard emotional times :
I lost my little hero.......my beautiful F2 early generation Bengal. Inka.
I will explain what is on my heart..now that it has been 19 days since he is gone.
I am ( was ) a member of a Bengal forum...and in October I went to compare with other members about possible behavioural issues about one or two aggressive incidents with Inka ( my F2 ).
I was wondering if with advanced age ( over 5 ) they could have temperament changes.
I was told from everything to having an apartment too small.....to have him checked at the vet.
Inka had gone to the vet in July..for his bi-annual check up for his eye ( Inka has Feline herpes.and the Virus attacked his eye. And lungs) He was fine .his eye was stable,.and the rest of the ,routine ‘’ checkup.,like teeth..ears, and global condition was good.
I do not take Inka unless it is an emergency to the vet..as with the stress this imposses on him.....it sets off a Herpes attack....and he has to be heavily sedated.( he hates the vets office...he has been there over 20 times in his short life )
So I waited....as far as the ‘’aggression ‘’ period he had....watching his body language..and trying to understand if it was something I was doing to set this off.
During the month of October..he seemed to calm down. I suspected the his eye.....( that was now down to 20 % of sight) ..Could be the offset...of me startling him on his ‘’almost ‘’ blind side.
Things went back to normal....so I was careful to approach him on his ‘’blind ‘’ side.
The Lady.....that owns the forum. ,approached me in the beginig of October to hold a raffle in order to pay for a vet exam for Inka ? I told her no........I told her up to now Inka was doing just fine.
She insisted.....and insisted....so I gave in..but I also told her that if Inka was continuing to do well..he would not need it..and that If needed....I could sell some paintings at very low prices to fund the vet visit. She could use the raffle.funding for another cause.
November...the Lady contacts me.......she is too busy to start the raffle...( working...running around....ect. )
That was fine....I really was not counting on the funding. I told her again...keep the ‘’future ‘’ funding ‘’ for another cause. She insisted again.......saying she would start on Dec 15th ( on her birthday ).....
She contacted me 3 other times......and I told her..Inka does not need this funding. He is fine.
Now.....she really didn’t like this.....? She insisted that she had worked really hard to put this raffle up.ect....But I told her again.......use the raffle funding for another cause.
Beginning of January......I began to notice Inka had breathing problems..coughing..chocking. And what it looked like was asthma ? I have asthma....so I knew the signs...I was sure at 90 % it was that. One time...I used my ‘’ flovent’’ on him....as he was really chocking up. It worked.I contacted my VET office.and asked Inka,s vet..about the tests to be taken for a diagoisic.
The tests would be about 600 $.......And if Asthma..I could pick up the rest of the treatments. Having an Asthmatic cat is not the end of the world..and can be easily treated and controlled.
I then contacted the ‘’Lady ‘’ of the Bengal forum..and finally said yes..to accepting the funding for Inka. I had not sold any paintings.and having a monthly revenue of 500 $ in the past 6 months..I could use it,,,as it was kindly offered to me. I put one of my prints as a donation for the funding.Thus adding to Inka’s funding personally.
I was asked to post all about Inka.....all the vet visits..all the surgeries he had in over 4 years.and the total of the 6500 $ vets bills.I did not like to do this....but in order to get this diagnostic...I stepped on my pride.
I then re-contacted the Lady.....and aked..when will this ‘’raffle ‘’ start ?....Awnser : soon.....FEB ?..I am too busy now....can you wait till Feb ?.......
I told the Lady..I can wait.....but Inka can not...it is getting urgent. I told her once again.....I would do this on my own......as the time was a priority now. She then got inpatient .telling me she had worked hard....ect.....
I had to do something now ! I called my vet.,and asked if I could have some friends...call and give funding via Credit cards..directly to Inka’s account. That was accepted ...and I had the estimation for the much needed tests.
I posted on the forum.....that I would do this on my own..
The lady then wrote : If anyone wants to help Inka directly...post your information here.
I did.......I posted my name, my phone number ( Inka’ s account reference ) the Vets Phone number.,and even had a English person to be ready to accept the calls.
Within 2 days....the funds came in.....via the forum...and my friends on Facebook .
The vet then called me.and told me..no more funding....she was uneasy of this type of donations.
I then posted this information on the forum...no more calls....the vet office did not want anymore calls.
I said ok...anyways I had enough for the exams and tests,And I was working another type of donations....if ever it was really needed.
I also offered.......via the forum....a custom painting of one of their favourite cats...to thank the people who would fund via my vet directly .I was given permission by the ‘’forum ‘’ Lady to do this.
This way..all the things in the ‘,regular ‘’ raffle would still be untouched..and ready for another cause.
The 4th....Feb. Inka was put under sedation..and had blood tests.a respiratory profil. and 3 chests x-rays done..Eye exam....urine tests..ect....
Around 10 am......the vet called me with the first informations....
No asthma....but this was the ONLY good news.
They had tested his eye...with fluroesceine...and they could not see into his eye. He was totally blind.
I knew with time......this would happen...my heart sunk.,( poor honey )but I know cats can function being blind, and he still had some 50 % vision the other eye.
The x-rays showed a Megaesophagus ....and it was serious. This was my vet’s first case.....and she has been practicing for 10 years.
Fortunately...the Gasto specialist was on staff that morning...and she would have him look at Inka’s case..an hour later.
I posted this sad news..on the forum..as an update to the ones who donated. To my astonishment.....all I got on the forum is..you should do this......or that....use this medication..ect.all copied from the WWW. Articles. I had passed the last 2 hours searching myself..And I knew the outcome was very grim for Inka.
I asked the forum posters to stop.writing all this info...I was waiting for the Gastro specialist to give more informations within the hour, , as HE is the specialist. I was polite...but having 5-6 people telling me vet treatments...the causes ? .( what causes ?..the vet does not even know yet ! )....was just adding to my stress..and they are not Vets..ummmmmmm this is my cat......can I have a say please !..He is being tested right now.....I will let the specialist that is seeing him in person to give me the outcome...and the meds to be taken. I agree I sort of lost it......but still stayed polite.
Being told...1 hour later from the vet Gastro specialist that the best for Inka was to be put to sleep..is not good news !
There was one Option.....well 2 really.
The first was to give him meds...Cisapride.and Tolfedine.....and see if a mirical would happen.....within the week.
The second....was a 3000$ (min ) operation to have a tube inserted into Inka’s stomach..so he could be feed 4 times a day with this tube....and the results are uncertain....maybe less than 4 months of survival.
I chose to bring Inka home with me..and hope for the best.
I was kicked out of the forum.....before explaining myself..due to my stress.
I did have time to thank all the people on the forum how donated .....and gave the name of the ‘’painting ‘’ winner....I will find some courage to do this sometime this month.
Inka was stable during the first 2 days..then...he got worst....My little hero..who had fought so much.with illnesses......was giving up.Why this rare case of Megaesophagus happened…to him…I do not know. I find life so cruel sometimes.
Inka was put to sleep Feb 10th…..The hardest thing I ever had to do in my life.
I have this sentiment of profound Guilt…….did I do enough..should I waited. one or 2 more days ?...
Inka¯s body was sent to the Montréal veterinary university for research. in Saint-Hyacinthe. Quebec.
As I said…I was kicked off and banned from the forum…do you know why?
After a series of emails..from the Forum Owner ….this is what I was told that people sent to her…..:
‘’ I'm a pretty good judge of character and I don't know what else to say except what I've said before...there is something not right w/ this whole thing w/ Lucie. Maybe it's a language barrier, but I still stand by my gut on this -- I think Lucie is incredibly self centered, rude and unappreciative.’’
‘’I have been wanting to write you since I saw the "mess" concerning poor Inka. I absolutely could not believe how that woman behaved. You had really gone overboard to help her and she was so unappreciative, to put it mildly. I do realize that she was under major stress, but there is no excuse for her comments. She was so defensive it really makes me wonder!! ‘’
‘’ Anyway, I just wanted you know that you had done more than anyone else would have (I mean it is not as though you have not had issues to deal with yourself), and she just made herself look like an idiot. ‘’
‘’ I know Inka is the main focus in all of this but at the end of the day, as I've said before, if Lucie TRULY wants to help him (I'm still up in the air on that one), SHE will. You all have given her good direction and advice. Now, let's let her make the next move after she's had time to absorb all of the information and the situation at home w/ Inka.’’
The emails came flowing in….imagine..Inka had died…and I was harassed with mean emails.
I wanted to post my side on the forum..but Marcia ( the forum owner ) never let me a chance. Now I am treated like a critical and ungrateful jurk….and a lier ?
Here is was I wanted to post. :
HERE GOES :
I would like to say my side......
This is only possible this way as I have been banned.And I am getting tons of degrading and harassing emails.This way....I hope it will end.
Last October...I posted an incident with my F2.for aggressiveness. I was ‘’told ‘’ to seek medical help as there was maybe an underlying sickness ect.
I Corse I had thought of that. But I was mostly searching if there was someone with an Early Generation ‘’older ‘’ cat experiencing the same reactions.
Marcia ‘’insisted ‘’ by email that I consult. I told her for now, I will deal with this one time episode and see how Inka reacts. Inka seemed healthy......and I was not about to stress him out and set off a Herpes flare-up.
Then Matcia..maybe 2-3 weeks later said he would do A ‘’Raffle ‘’ for Inka. I told her NO.
She insisted..and insisted.
I let her do it, and offered a ‘’print ‘’ of one of my paintings ‘’that I donate to a charity ‘’., towards the Raffle.
Remember...this was in October-beginning of Nov.
I didn’t hear from Marica till maybe end of November...She said she was busy.ect.and would start the Raffle after her birthday ( the 15 th Dec ? ) All I got from her were emails of how she was broke...having about 700 $ a month..being disabled.and the 503 charity she was working on.
Again no news till maybe beginning of Jan. Same thing..about her misfortunes’..ect...and the insistence of doing the Raffle for Inka.
I think I did post ( as I can not verify now ) That Inka was deteriorating. Coughing, gagging, wheezing and difficulty breathing. I suspected Asthma.
So now there was a priority of the consulting a vet.
We all know how cats go downhill fast..and time is precious.
So I emailed Marica.and told her to keep the Raffle for another cat..or cause.I had to do something fast.
She insisted again..telling me it would start Feb.
I told her NO.but she insisted..saying she had done all this work...ect...
Anyways..it all comes down to this...I waited..but Inka could not. Marcia insisted...when I said no from the beginning.
Then..Marica wrote : if anyone wants to help Lucie..Directly through her vet..fell free to do so.
I then posted ( to her suggestion ) my vets phone number..and mine.
I also had posted the ‘’estimate ‘’ of the tests...nothing was hidden.
As soon as I had what I thought was enough..I said ‘’stop the machines ‘’.......a total of 530 $ was donated at the vet for Inka,
I thought is was enough.and that the rest I could raise via-my friends. The rest of the ‘’future ‘’ funds of the raffle ( as they were not touched ) would go to another needy cat...or to what Marcia told me a lawyer fees for the 503 charity set up.
I was not looking for more.....just what was necessary.
I then called the vet........this was January the 26th or the 27th.
They could not take Inka .as the exams had to be done by a specialist ( for the breathing problems, I thought was asthma )
A date was set for the 3rd of Feb.( Thursday evening ) I had a DR’S appointment in the morning, for some test results I had taken....and was told it was not good. So I was stressed out..also taking Inka to the vet that same day.
Friday....the 4th.FEB........I was totally stressed out..as Inka was being tested.
I got ‘’partial results ‘’ at around noon. I posted the results of the megaesophagus they found.
I thought it was asthma.....( I wish it was that now )
Rare in cats...and Inka's condition seemed to be serious.
I would take him back home that night..or I would say goodbye.
I had been reading just about all that there is on the web since 12 am......when the vet called me.
They have a specialist.....and he was supposed to call me..... before 5pm.
I had to make my decession based on what he thinks of Inka's future Quality of life will be.
Now this is what the ‘’ fuss ‘’ is all about..I said….do not copy all what there is on the WWW…..
I was stressed out. I know every case is different. I was awaiting the specialist to give me more information to share with you. What is written on the web..is just ‘’scraping the surface ‘’.
Marcia jumping in the ‘’inka ‘’ update thread. analyzing. the meds I posted..the condition….ummmmmmm it,s my cat…can I have a say?
I didn’t fell like adding more stress to me…….would of helped. I am sorry if I upset anyone…..I just lost it ! .I guess you have to live the 2 days that I did.you would understand.But, I was waiting for the specialist’s results, as this would have been informative for everyone…meds..the outcome.ect…..not what is written on the WEB.
Now…..the other thing….
To say that I am indignant that I have been so critical and ungrateful after Maricia has done so much to help me. ? I am very grateful…..I think I said thanks so many times… to everyone…..I wished I could do more, and I did..
I offered a painting ( worth 1000 $ ) to those who helped pay part of the tests….and I asked Marcia if it was ok…she said ‘’post anything you like’’ ….and now she is accusing me of DISRUPTING the( her ) raffle and asking for ‘’direct help ‘’ After she told me to post?
She has been harassing me…...sending me emails….that include : I am so pissed off at her, what a jerk!
I will try to bite my tongue, but you know me, and I will say something tomorrow.
Has she posted her plea for help at BT, or anywhere else you know of? Did she get help from anyone besides us and FB?
And then some…..I had to go through Bengal Cirus ( the poor lady ) to ask her to contact Marcia to stop !..I included all the emails she sent to me..and some from of the members that were forwarded to her.
I did also tell her not to call the vet’s office.They did not want any more calls for donations.
I told Marcia…do not call…….as I will try to work this out with the Supervisor, if ever there is an emergency…I will have this ‘’last ‘’ option. She called anyways. Tuesday (yesterday )…..I had a phone call from the ‘’top’’ vet there asking….what group donation is this ect…..In fact..she called 4 times..once saying she had instigated this donation….and was the coordinator of all of this.
I also told him one of the donators threatened of pulling a charge back on one of the donations.He said he would be on the lookout for this..and do what is needed.
Maricia was so pissed off.she threatened me with a charge back ?..why?
What a mess !
I could go on…but I will not…
But…..I will say something about me….I donate to the WWF- to the WSPA, and other charities. ( my art through auctions for funding ) Maybe my art isn’t to everyone’s taste…but I give whatever I can..and part of it is my humble talent.
I also giveaway……just for the satisfaction of seeing someone smile..to my friends on Facebook..a painting….…..eg :
This is only the tip of the ‘’iceburg ‘’
I wish I could do more….but recently….after being in a bad work accident..my income from workman’s comp………is down to 500 $ a month……so I am in survival ‘’mode ‘’
I will say thank you again….to all that Helped Inka…..your names will be in my heart for a long time !
I also wish to thank you for reading my side of the story. Even in a judicial court….they let you explain.
Here, .unfortunately…I was not offered that…
I am not seeking help anymore for Inka…AND I never asked for more.….nothing can change his condition…..only the meds he will take for the rest of his short life will help him.
Now…Marica is saying : '' So sad. Poor Inka. I hope you get him the help he needs and so deserves. Four years is too long not to see a vet. I would rather go without myself than to deny my fur kids veterinary care.''
??? 4 years ?...Where did she get that info ? ...and now people ( that I do not even know ) have been telling me I am irresponsible jerk?..This is adding to my profound guilt for waiting on Marica for 3 months for help..I should of NEVER accepted her help....she was playing me along all this time….just to look good ?...what is her reason ? I told her at least 4-5 times NO...but she insited.saying she had done all this work.ect...I did not ask for this..help.!!!
The last straw…..she is ‘’making ‘’ a site called BFF ( Bengal Friends Funds )
On one of her pages called success stories :
‘’ More recently, a Bengal owner was experiencing a behavior problem from her Bengal, that we thought might stem from a physical problem. It turns out, due to the difficulty vets have had handling this particular beautiful foundation Bengal, he had not seen a vet in a while. He was due for some routine check-ups, and diagnostics of his existing Feline Rhinotracheitis, and testing of an eye that has been affected by the virus. We again pooled together and called the vet clinic in Canada, who took credit card donations over the phone. Over $500 was raised for these bills. ''
This so far from a sucess............it ended in the loss of my beautiful cat.
HE WAS not going for routine tests.....he was tested for his eye last July.
There was a beathing problem with him...and I made it clear..it was urgent…but was told to wait another 2 weeks ?
What will happen....if another case comes up.and needs funds urgently ?...would you make them wait..2-3 months as you did for me ?
You are creating ''FALSE ''hope right now.
This ‘’article ‘’ was taken off..to my demand.
As I found out..from others than have been on that forum..this lady is a ‘’nut ‘’ case…and has done things like this to others.
I am an idiot…….to have believed in someone….I am an idiot to have been taken advantage of Inka’s sad past so someone would use this to profit her selfestime. And glory.
I am guilty of not having the money….when it was time.
I am guilty of taking the offer that I could help Inka on a forum…by myself.