I admit I am getting a bit discouraged.
Although I am trying very hard to keep painting and promoting myself on a 580 $ monthly income...this is getting all the energy I have left out of me.
I try to push the doors open...only to get them slammed in my face.
Why is it when you are down......people ( unconsciously ) make it worst.?
What I mean by down.....I mean that you are struggling...for everyday things...paying for food, your rent....and if there is something left over...art supplies.
I did my taxes this week and to my astonishment I owe 100 $ for a new Quebec tax ( mandatory ) for Health.
Gezzzz.....I gained 7,500 $ this year ( workman's compensation, that is supposed to be non taxable ).......100 $ is not a lot your thinking.......but to me this was sort of driving the nail in more.
I still give for causes that are close to my heart.....it is in me....a 20$ or 10$ will not disrupt my life at this point.I just chose more carefully.
I rather give painting to causes....part of myself is in there...money is just money...but ART stays and maybe will bring some joy for years to someone.
I try to keep positive...but I guess my inner feelings must transpire out to people......so I do not go out anymore.
I have been invited to sevral symposiums....and expositions. It is very flattering....but THESE all charge you money. Anywhere from 40 $ to 200$.and they are all over the Provence.
I do not have a car....nor the funds to stay over the weekend paying a hotel room..picking up my stand each nigh by foot.
If you turn down these invitations..they treat you like you are not serious about your art...so the next time around..you get left out.
I know I am NOT the only artist in this situation. I think the world has lost many talented artists that pursued their passion to the end of financial rupture. Only now , can I start to feel the emotional death of an inner passion.
I am now pushing to the limit the promotion part, with the help of a press agent ( a 10 year friendship with this person ) who, for now is not charging me anything.
This sounds allover discouraging...maybe yes.....maybe no.
Is there a lesson or reason I am living this ? Maybe yes....maybe no.
I am still keeping my head up..and will continue to nurture my passion .