Depression or lack of courage

People just love to ignore warnings, don’t they ?

I was being depressed about my choice and disappointed with myself because I have thought about what I would love to do….. but never had the courage because of moolah.

Vitamin ‘’ Moolah ‘’ is important because here, I can’t eat without paying. I can’t claim from any charity because I’m earnings something.

Anyways..I am too independent for this.

Money makes the world go round, they say.

I am starting to wish MY world would turn a bit.

I could honestly write a book about my past...rape…..domestic violence….death of a child…being robed…scamed…ect…

It is my life…and maybe in a way it has made me stronger than most people….but also more sensitive…..and closed-in.

Now that I have had courage to face my choice….5 months latter ….after leaving a paying day job….. I spent the better part of the week . Asking myself if I did the right move.

I am not asking for big moolah…. here…..only ‘’ one ‘’ G a month.

Just enough to survive..feed my cats…eat….and have less stress.

After almost 5 months…I have painted a total of 30 paintings.

That’s a total of 1. 1/2 paintings a week..and I am not talking about 12 x 12 inches….they are mostly all large…unless commissioned.

I know…I know…..I should do smaller ones.

.But almost all the time I sit down and when I want to start one..I feel like I am compressing my view..my brain…my inspiration.

Hard to explain.

So as most of all Artists…I have to find a part time job.

At My age….and with all the heath issues I have….it will be probably minimum salary.

I am going to face my choice…half-time..for now.